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“When you take action in life and in leadership, you feel powerful and more confident.”


Note: Emotional Intelligence Boot Camp is the real life coaching of Debbie (name changed). This was a six-week turnaround in her leadership effectiveness by becoming more emotionally self-aware and self-managing of her emotional impact and personal influence.

Debbie, over the six weeks of coaching, had really stepped up and taken responsibility over her emotional impact and leadership! We witnessed her team respond dramatically better to her leading, coaching, and vision. In the six weeks she had:

• Come to the understanding that emotions drive your behavior, your performance, and that they play a significant role in your leadership.
• Worked at emotional self-management.
• Nearly eliminated her past inclination to allow herself to become emotionally hijacked, which had previously led to her forfeiting her influence by sabotaging her best efforts.
Learned to stop, disengage, breath and, then, re-engage with a more effective and powerful leadership.
• Bought into the fact that emotions are contagious. And learned that the number one aspect of being a strong leader is being able to bring positive emotions into a relationship and into a boardroom.
• Recognized the need, the huge need, to make emotional connections with other team members by making them feel valued and understanding where their strengths were. She had also recognized the need to give voice to their accomplishments and creating a culture of leaders where the team matters most!

Debbie had done an amazing job. Bottom line, her likeability and her credibility had improved by learning to self-manage her emotional economy.

Your Leadership Standards:
Now finally, I’d like to encourage you to take a few minutes each morning to write down your own personal beliefs.
• What will be the center of your life and leadership?
• What is the character and guiding tenants that are vitally important to you?
• What will be your ultimate contribution as a leader? Your lasting legacy?

Honestly, I was about Debbie’s age when I first penned, with shaky hand, my raw attempt at documenting my personal beliefs. My hands were shaking because my heart was broken; my self-esteem was at ground zero. At that moment in my life, I was unemployed and feeling unworthy of a great life.
It wasn’t a magical moment, but it was a defining one. I wrote out my center, my character, and my contribution. Weeks later I founded my company, Leadership Quest and started my upward journey in leadership influence, impact, and inspiration.

It was a pleasure working with Debbie. I saw greatness in her as she courageously led where she was and became extraordinary in her Emotional Intelligence as a leader! She is well on her way!

To learn more about Emotional Intelligence, download my FREE Emotional Intelligence Competencies Resource.

Just joining us?
Below are the weeks 1-5 of the Emotional Intelligence Boot Camp:

Week 1: Emotional Intelligence Boot Camp
Week 2: Emotional Self-Awareness
Week 3: Emotional Self- Management
Week 4: Emotional Management of Others
Week 5: How Leaders Build Emotional Connections

“The number one criteria for advancement and promotion for professional is their ability to communicate and connect effectively.”
Harvard Business Review

The Number 1 human need is to be loved and to love.
The Number 2 human need is security.
The Number 3 human need is to feel valued.

Wise and exemplary leaders know the remarkable value of connecting emotionally with their people.
We humans have this interesting need: a core-deep need to feel special.

Let’s come back to Debbie. I told her as part of her turn-around coaching that as a leader it is critical to connect emotionally with your team. It is a best practice that all leaders should work to master. Without building that attitude you will receive mechanical responses and attitudes, you will have work without passion.

When you communicate through words and actions that you authentically value them, you build teams that conquer mountains and work with heart and soul.

To do this, look for ways to “catch” people doing the extraordinary. Point out when they bring that extra and shine a spotlight on it. This will make their face and self-image shine! Make them out to be the hero of the moment!

At least once a month during a team meeting put a team member in the “spotlight.” Speak their praise and shower credit on their performance.

Photo by Visualogist

Critical Statistic: 78% of people who change jobs are leaving their previous manager!

Debbie, a point leader who has strong emotional intelligence see his/her primary role is to get the right players in the right positions and doing the right things. This way each of the team members will be able to succeed.

Make sure you ask each of your team members:
1. What do you enjoy doing?
2. What do you feel you excel at?

Let them know your primary goal is to get them in their “strength zone” where they can get in the flow and flourish. That will communicate to them their value in your eyes and that you understand who they are and what skills they can bring. It may seem simple, but the better they feel about themselves, the better they will perform professionally. They will create stunning work and feel important. They will have a voice and a role to play.

Debbie, I have three grown children. Each possesses unique gifts and talents. Their personalities are quite different. They have each chosen different career paths. When I am with them, it is all about them. I am asking questions about their world, not focusing on my own. I am expressing pleasure and interest in how they are each doing. I am, dare I say it, working at connecting and making them feel special in the moment. My son recently wrote in his father’s day card, “dad, thank you for your strong interest in me.” Wow, the power of those emotional connections. You gain trust, you receive loyalty, and you receive love.

If we can focus more of our time and efforts on making people feel valued, worthy and significant, we will go from a good team to a superb team who loves their leader.

Next week is our final week in Emotional Intelligence Boot Camp, your leadership standards of excellence!

“Steve, you have seven weeks to turn Debbie around.”

EI Boot Camp is a little quieter

The grim-faced senior leader at one of Microsoft’s most prestigious organizations had just commissioned me to coach a key member of their team, Debbie (name changed to protect privacy). The Commission: A crash course on Emotional Intelligence.

Debbie had been identified as an emerging leader, a rising star, with exceptional intelligence and a rare ability to present and communicate strategy. Just in her early 30’s, she was on a fast-track to becoming a real player and to providing leadership in the new roll out of business.

Unfortunately, on her way up to greater influence she began to sabotage her success. Her flaw? During times of pressure, she tended to jump to judgment and cast blame. Often, when her opinions were not embraced, her language (especially body language) communicated a lack of respect with almost a sulky attitude at times. It was impeding her true influence as a promising leader.
So here I was in a conference room with Debbie and seven weeks to turn it around.

What follows is an outline of Emotional Intelligence Boot Camp:
This is a turnaround story

#1: Emotions Drive our Behavior
They also determine performance levels and our leadership scope of influence.
The tip of the iceberg represents out behavior, performance, and leadership. A full 80% is under the surface. That submerged portion is our emotions.

Tip of the Iceberg --- Image by © Ralph A. Clevenger/CORBIS

What I shared with Debbie in week one was: Emotions can help you and they can hurt you, but you have no say in the matter until you understand them. Their influence can impact you and those you attempt to lead.Your IQ, your intelligence, and your technical skills got you in the game and hired at a world-class company. However, it will be your Emotional Intelligence skills, things like Self-awareness, verbal and non-verbal communication, collaborations, and empathy that will determine your success!

This week:
• Start observing your own emotions, your moods, and your attitudes. Observe how they influence you and those around you. Really study yourself.

• Each day rate your emotional wholeness (0-10) and watch how that links to that day’s performance and personal leadership.

• Start respecting your emotions and understand the impact they have on you and those you hope to influence.

Emotional Intelligence Trait of the Week: Self-Awareness
For 12 Self-Awareness Tips, visit the “Resource Tab” for a FREE download!  

Next Week: The Power of Self-Awareness